


Into the Dark

by burning_nova



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_nova/pseuds/burning_nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ianto leaned over the toilet and threw up, his mouth tasting like bile and acid. He wondered how much damage was being done to his teeth. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to quiet his tumultuous stomach. He looked into the toilet and nearly gagged again as the sight of the half-digested chicken taunted him. The handle felt cool next to his clammy hands when he flushed.

He went to the sink and looked at his reflection. His face looked to white and a thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead. Maybe Jack would notice today. Most likely not. Ianto washed his hands and then rinsed his mouth. He couldn’t get rid of the taste of bile.

When he got back to their-his flat he’d brush his teeth. The rats clawed at his stomach again. He didn’t want to eat anything but Jack had bought him lunch. It had been an effort, something, a gesture that maybe everything hadn’t been lost. A sign that Jack still wanted him.

The rats had subsided during the meal and he had even enjoyed most of it until Gwen came into the room. Then Jack’s half-interested eyes shifted to her the rest of the meal. Their conversation, filled with semi-flirtatious quips and remarks and banter that felt like an old forgotten friend, dried up quicker than a snowball in hell.

Gwen had entered the conference room to talk to Jack about a case. Jack had finished then ignored Ianto, who picked at his food. When Gwen had something to show Jack, he left with her without so much as a backwards glance. Ianto cleaned up the mess, wiped down the table and caught a glimpse of Jack and Gwen at her station.

They were eating a pastry; Ianto normally liked them. He would be his month’s salary Jack had gotten them for him on a whim, like lunch, and forgotten that it had been meant for him. He most likely only bought two as usual.

Gwen was eating his dessert.

The rats that had left him alone crawled back. During the meal they had just been nibbling, now they were ravenous. Ianto had walked into the restroom and thrown up. He went into the Archives, seeking something to calm his nerves.

The filing was almost soothing; he didn’t really need to think. He could get lost in the motions. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to think about the fact that Jack didn’t want him anymore, that their relationship had crashed and burned a few months ago. That when Jack fucked him he was certain that Jack thought about Gwen and not about him. He didn’t want to think about the fact that Jack had called out Gwen’s name when Ianto walked in on him masturbating. Jack hadn’t noticed him. He didn’t want to think about the gun in his back pocket.

He got lost in the motions. He lost track of time. When the last file in the small pile in his inbox had been put away Ianto realized it was late. He looked at the time.

8:00 p.m.

Ianto walked back into the main room of the Hub. Things were quiet. Where were Jack and Gwen? Ianto saw a dim light in Jack’s office.

He walked up the steps into the office. A soft noise caught his attention, muffled and his stomach clenched. He continued forward, entering the office and feeling the bottom of his stomach drop. Movement and moans, he walked toward the manhole and stopped.

“Uh, Jack!” Gwen’s voice reached him. She moaned her pleasure and Ianto could swear he heard Jack’s hips slamming into hers. “Jack! Oh, god!” Movement. Pants and moans. He heard Jack gasp.

“Fuck, Gwen.” He breathed out almost in reverence. “Love you.”

Ianto froze. He turned around and quietly exited the office. He walked onto the lift and remembered the gun in his back pocket.

*[ Chapter Two](http://burning-nova.livejournal.com/7081.html#cutid1)*  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

_Gwen and Jack were still fucking. Ianto pulled out the gun and fired twice. Gwen’s scream cut off by a spray of blood. Jack slumped over her corpse as he died. Ianto raised the gun and fired again at Jack’s body. The bastard would revive with a few body parts missing._

Except it didn’t happen that way.

Ianto stared at the cell phone in his hand. If he pressed the green button he would be talking to his sister in no time. Except that Ianto didn’t know if he wanted to speak to her. It would hurt her, but he suspected it would hurt more if he didn’t say something. He needed put down some demons.

Ianto dialed. The phone rang.

No one answered.

Ianto swallowed and proceeded to leave a voice message. He deleted it twice and felt he had gotten it right the third time. Send. He would have liked to speak to his sister.

The lights in his flat were out. Ianto looked at the coffee table. His glock lay on it. All he needed to do was pick it up.

_Ianto picked up the gun, took the safety off and placed it to the side of his head. One shot. The bullet ricocheted of his skull and he lost consciousness._

_Ianto picked up the gun, took the safety off and placed it to the side of his head. One shot. The bullet tore through his skull. He didn’t die. The doctors declared him brain dead at the hospital._

_Ianto picked up the gun, took the safety off and placed it underneath his chin. One shot. He blew out half his face off but didn’t die._

_Ianto picked up the gun, took the safety off and aimed it at his abdomen. One shot. The bullet pierced his stomach. It hurt but Tosh had taken the pain with dignity. Jack came in, smelling of Gwen and sex. Called the ambulance. He woke up with no memory of anything but the feeling of rats in his stomach.  
_

Ianto picked up the gun and stared at it. He could kill someone easily. He could have shot them but hadn’t felt like it. It had hurt. God, Ianto thought his heart couldn’t hurt anymore. Except he didn’t want to be a murderer, he’d seen enough blood shed in his life.

_Jack’s body was stiff in his lap. He counted the minutes it took for him to come back. Jack inhaled, grabbed at his body, and calmed down. Jack smiled at him._

Ianto picked up the gun and took the safety off. He placed the barrel near his sternum. A shot in the heart had killed Owen. Could he do that? He thought of his sister.

_Jack looked awful but Ianto placed him in his lap again. He stroked his hair and waited. Jack inhaled and reached out to him. He calmed down. He stood up and took off at a run. He yelled for Ianto to catch up._

Head shot: no open casket funeral. Why couldn’t they look at Uncle Ianto? Where had Uncle Ianto gone?

_Rhiannon, I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I love you._

Ianto placed his finger on the trigger.

Ianto moved his finger away and started to push the gun away. The phone rang. His hand jerked and the gun misfired.

Ianto’s hand went slack as the bullet tore clean through his shoulder. A look of surprised crossed his face. He dropped the gun. The gun misfired again. Ianto flinched as that bullet fired somewhere in the room.

Ianto grasped at this shoulder, surprised by how much it hurt. He could hear the phone ringing in the background. Blood started slipping through his fingers. The gun had misfired. Dear God, he couldn’t even kill himself right. No wonder Jack left him.

The pain in his shoulder grew. The phone kept ringing. Ianto looked at the gun floor. He started to laugh.

The door burst open and he saw two paramedics standing at the door rushing at him, maybe a copper or two behind them. He gave one half-hearted reach for the gun. A flurry of motion, a bee sting, and Ianto lost consciousness.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.” Rhiannon muttered into her mobile. “Come on, Ianto. Don’t do this to me.” She received his message box. Rhiannon Davies pressed the redial button on her mobile.

“Rhi, have you see the remote?” Johnny came into the room.

“NOT NOW JOHNNY!” Rhiannon yelled at her husband. Her body trembled with anxiety.  
Johnny stopped.

“Rhi, what’s wrong?” Johnny said softly.

“I said not now!” She screamed. She hit redial again. Johnny stepped back unsure what was going on. A stab of worry wormed its way into him. “Come on,” She muttered again into the receiver.

After the tenth re-dial Rhiannon put her phone down. Too late. It had to be too late. She’d waited to long. God. Why had she thought that watching Wife Swap had been more important than answering her phone?

“Rhi?” Johnny asked, softly.

Rhiannon let out a sob. “Ianto’s gone.”

“What?” Johnny asked wondering why his brother-in-law had been mentioned. “What do you mean?”

“He has to be gone and I didn’t answer the goddamn phone.” Rhiannon sobbed. “I didn’t answer the phone.” She hit the redial button. Johnny rushed over to her and took her into her arms as she cradled the phone, wailed “Ianto!” over and over into the ringing phone.

He held her for a moment, letting her cry and hit the button again and again. Johnny was about to take the mobile away when some one picked up on the other end.

“Ianto?” Rhiannon gasped into the phone.

“Mrs. Davies? This is PC Andy Davidson. We received your call earlier today. Your brother is on his with to hospital, Mrs. Davies.”

“Where? What happened?” Ianto was alive…Rhiannon paid more attention to the phone call. His information ringing in her ears as is he were a herald from the gods.  
\----  
PC Andy Davidson looked at the flat around him and grimaced, tried to ignore the ringing phone. The blood splatter on the sofa meant they’d need forensics and the lab guys. Andy looked at the gun on the floor. He knew the man who lived in this flat. The Spooky Doo: Ianto Jones.

Gave him a bloody good cup of coffee the last case Andy had to hand over to them. He’d looked bad then, tired and haggard. Gwen and the Captain looked like an antithesis to him, happy, glowing, healthy. Then man who’d left in a rush with the paramedics had looked worse.

Andy gave the flat a cursory sweep. He spotted the letters almost immediately. One addressed to a woman, another to Captain Harkness. He picked them up and gave them a cursory glance. His face turned even more serious.

The flashing phone caught his attention. Someone was calling again. Andy reached for it and picked it up.

Rhi.

The screen said.

Rhi, Rhiannon. No genius needed to connect those two names. Andy knew it was probably against protocol but that went out of the window anytime the Spooky Dos were involved. Andy had a few facts. Mrs. R. Davies had called to say her brother had left her a suicide message. Ianto Jones’ sister was named Rhiannon. R: Rhiannon.

Andy answered the phone. He’d call Captain Flash afterward. After he discovered what Mrs. Davies wanted to do with her brother.

\----

Rhiannon had driven like a woman with the devil on her tail, talking to PC Davidson, who somehow knew her brother though he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming as to how, the entire time. She’d met him at the entrance. He’d been surprisingly young, PC Davidson, but his face had been so serious Rhiannon had feared her brother had taken a turn for the worse. Instead he told her that Ianto was fine and in surgery. Then he handed her two letters. One addressed to her and another one addressed to someone named Jack.

“Call me once you’ve made a decision.” PC “Call me Andy” Davidson had told her once he had handed her the letters. “You can reach me at—“ He told her his number. “You’ll understand once you read them.” Then he’d left her.

A letter in each hand, she waited, seated, in the waiting room. The last few minutes passed like a blur, the worry, nerves, and pain of others almost unnoticeable in her emotional haze.

_Rhi._

_Jack._

Rhiannon placed Jack’s letter into her purse. Rhiannon blinked back her tears as she looked at her letter. Why had it come to this? Her little brother had tried to kill himself. “Why?” She didn’t know if she wanted the answer as she looked at the letter.

Except it was the least she could do. Slowly, Rhiannon opened the letter.

_Rhi,_

Rhiannon closed her eyes, unwilling to read anymore. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and continued reading.

_Rhi,_

_Rhi,_

_Rhi,_

She took a deep breath.

_Rhi,_

_I’m sorry. This is the last thing I ever wanted, even after Lisa I never wanted things to end this way. I love you and I want you to know this isn’t your fault. It’s just *illegible*_

_Too much shit, not enough time to heal. Canary Wharf, Lisa, Tosh and Owen, you, and now Jack. Every one dies and there is just no one left. I gave Jack everything. He didn’t even bother saying no. Everyday I feel as if rats are clawing at my stomach every minute. Sometimes it goes away, when I’m with him, when it feels like he still wants me._

_God, I miss you. That’s my fault. I tried to protect you. Course we never were close, especially after Dad. I just had to get out of there, Rhi. I was dying there._

_I left everything to you and the kids._

_I need you to make sure you get my body back, from Jack, from Torchwood. This is not death by Torchwood. Tell Jack that. Be loud enough about it and do as I’ve written and I’ll get a burial._

_*Gibberish*_

 

Rhiannon blink in confusion at the gibberish on the page. She realized that the writing on the page was shorthand. She nearly laughed. Mum had made them learn that archaic thing. She thought it would at least help them get a basic secretarial, “Keep you and your brother out of the mines and in an office.” Her mum had joked. Her mum who hadn’t held a job in ages.

Rhiannon tried to translate the text. It figured that Ianto wouldn’t have forgotten to write shorthand. Her little brother always was an overachiever. Rhiannon blinked away the tears that sprung to her eyes at the thought.

If she had answered the phone she might never be reading this. Ianto had wanted to contact her, some contact to the outside world. Rhiannon took in a steadying breath. She needed to be strong, for herself, for the kids, for Ianto.

After a few minutes, the markings on the page began to make sense.

What she read made her furious. There were no state secrets. Nothing that made her brother a traitor. It told of the final act that had driven him to desperation. Jack Harkness had cheated on her brother, who loved hard and fell hard, with Gwen Cooper. His last two remaining co-workers.

Fucking Harkness hadn’t even had the decency to dump him.

She’d seen him after Lisa had died, she knew Ianto would have been devastated. She would have helped him. Except Rhiannon had been putting some distance between them. She resented his success and fine suits. He had money. She didn’t.

Now the guilt in her stomach felt like a giant knot. She’d been too petty to try and bridge the gap Ianto had put between them. Instead she made it worse.

She would fix things though. Her little brother hadn’t died and as far as she was concerned Harkness and Cooper wouldn’t be seeing him as long as she was around.

Rhiannon picked up her mobile. “PC Davidson? It’s Mrs. Davies.”

\--------

Jack Harkness stretched in his bed. Today had been a good day. He turned onto his side and took a large breath. Gwen’s perfume had lingered. He’d need to wash it out or Ianto would get suspicious. Taking another breath, any thought of Ianto left his mind. God, he hadn’t imaged that sleeping, being with Gwen, could be so good.

He remembered the look in her eyes in the afterglow. He frowned. It felt as if something had been missing. Jack stood up, put on his pants and climbed out of his bunker. He shivered when the air hit his skin.

His stomach rumbled.

Jack headed to the kitchenette. He opened the fridge and found nothing inside, that looked edible. Old takeout, water, and something that smelt like it had been milk at one point. He closed the door with a disgusted look on his face.

Jack searched the cabinets and found them in similar condition. Why the hell hadn’t Ianto kept this place stocked? Jack walked back to his room, determined to order some Chinese. He stopped.

Was the conference room light still on? Jack walked into the room and frowned. Two plates. His and…Ianto’s.

Ianto’s hardly looked touched, half a plate missing at most.

_Ianto laughed, his eyes lighting up as Jack leant forward and kissed him._

Jack shook the thought out of his head.

_Ianto’s eyes were blank as he pulled away from him after sex._

He picked up his plate and went to throw it away. He returned to Ianto’s and smelled the food. Still edible. He took the plate back to his office. His mobile was ringing. He ran. He dropped the plate on his desk.

“Harkness speaking.” Jack barked into his phone.

“Captain Harkness, this is Detective Swanson. We need you to come into the station to pick up some Torchwood property.” Her voice was cold and Jack frowned.

“Is it sensitive in nature?” He asked as he picked at the plate of food. He couldn’t think of anything that had been sent to him about needing to pick up Torchwood property.

“No, but it is a Torchwood firearm that I would feel better if it out of the station than in it.” Jack sat up straight.

“When did you get a Torchwood Authorized firearm?” He demanded, his voice harsh.

“Around 10 p.m. tonight, Captain. If you want anymore information, you need to come down to the station.” Before Jack could ask why Swanson hung up.

Jack felt a shot of irritation shoot through his system. He walked back to his quarters and searched for something to wear. He opened his armoire, past Ianto’s suits, smiling briefly when he saw them, then frowned as he tried to figure what to wear. He picked out a pair of trousers and a blue shirt.

In on time he stood dressed with the keys in his hands and mobile in his pocket. He practically ran to the SUV. Jack didn’t break any speed limits but he verged on recklessness as he drove to the station.

He parked. Went inside and walked over to Swanson’s desk. The detective didn’t even look up from her paperwork when he arrived. He cleared his throat.

“Harkness, “ Swanson said. “follow me,”

Jack followed her. In the back of his mind he thought about his dinner and what he would pick up on the way back. She led him to an evidence room. Thoughts of food exited his mind when he saw the Torchwood issue Glock in an evidence bag. Two shell casings in another.

10 p.m.. Had something happened to Gwen?

“Where did you get this? Why wasn’t I called to the scene?”

“These items were recovered from –“ Ianto’s address. Jack’s blood ran cold. “Two shots were fired, two shell casings and the weapon were recovered.”

“Where is Ianto? Agent Jones? What the hell happened?”

“Mr. Jones is either in surgery or in recovery.” Swanson said. “As to what happened, Mr. Jones tried to commit suicide. The station received a frantic call from his sister minutes before the incident occurred.”

“What?” He couldn’t have heard right.

“Mr. Jones tried to take his own life, Harkness.” Her eyes were cold and Jack didn’t understand.

“Where is he?” He needed to see him. Now. Make sure he hadn’t lost…

“I’m afraid I can’t divulge the location, Captain.”

“Why the hell not? He’s a member of my team? You know damn well that when it comes to Torchwood-“

“This is not a Torchwood incident, Captain. I’m in my rights not to divulge the information. Mr. Jones’ next of kin does not want you anywhere near him at the moment and until Mr. Jones is declared of sound mind, I won’t say otherwise.” Swanson smiled a cold smile at him and Jack shuddered underneath the gaze.

“Tell me. Now.” He snarled.

“No.” Swanson looked at the evidence. “Now Captain, please take the firearm.” Stunned, Jack grabbed the gun and walked back to the SUV. Ianto…

He needed to hack into the NHS. Find Ianto. He needed to see him. Jack pulled back his mobile and called Gwen. He needed her. She needed to know.

 

\---


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

Jack looked at the computer screen unable to find which hospital Ianto had been taken. Gwen hadn’t answered her phone when he rung. Anxiety swam in his stomach. He needed to see Ianto. He needed to make sure his lover was all right and alive.

Jack paused. Swanson had said Ianto’s next of kin didn’t want him or Gwen around. He bit his lip. He thought he had been listed as Ianto’s next of kin in case of emergency. He paused and brought up Ianto’s personnel file. Parents deceased. Sister living.

A sister. Rhiannon Davies.

Jack hacked into the police database. He looked for any reports with the name Davies but found that nothing could be found. Had their records¬––? Jack growled and kept looking. He finally caught the record logs for incoming calls.

He found it. 9:53 p.m. The call from Newport that had saved Ianto’s life. Why hadn’t Ianto called him? Jack closed his eyes and listened to the call. Rhiannon sounded so frantic…what had Ianto said to her that tipped her off?

His eyes stung as he caught sight of the gun on the desk. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

\-----

Rhiannon woke up with a jolt. She blinked as the sunlight assaulted her eyes and wondered why her neck hurt so much. Rhiannon struggled to get a good look at her surroundings. In an instant the memories of last night flooded her mind. Her eyes immediately went to the figure in bed.

Ianto was asleep, safe and sound. The steady beeping of track of his still beating heart. Rhiannon grabbed his hand and was comforted by its warmth. Ianto still hadn’t woken up but the doctors had told her it might take him a while to wake up and heal.

He looked so much thinner than she remembered. He hadn’t been taking care of himself. How the hell hadn’t his boyfriend not noticed? She fumed at the thought and yawned. She needed to go to the restroom, and call Johnny but Rhiannon was frightened that Ianto would wake up alone. She wondered how he would feel.

The pressure in her bladder told her she needed to go now or she’d wet herself. Rhiannon stretched and ran to the public privy down the hall. After she went, she called Johnny.  
She checked in. She couldn’t smile when he told her the kids were fine and missed her.

She ran back to Ianto’s room, feeling a bit winded. Ianto was still asleep. Rhiannon felt better. Rhiannon was about to go out to look for a magazine when she heard a telephone ring. She looked in her bag and pulled out Ianto’s cell phone.

She had nearly forgotten that PC Davidson had given her the cell phone. She looked at the name on the screen and nearly screamed when she saw the name. “Jack”. She wanted to answer and scream to him but decided against it. She silenced the call and waited for it to end. She turned off the phone.

She sat next to Ianto’s bed and waited. She needed to think about Ianto’s treatment. She needed to think of a way to keep Harkness and Cooper away from her little brother. She looked at his sleeping face knew she wouldn’t let him down.

\---

Jack smiled when the phone call rang. He had found Ianto, even if the phone had been turned off he knew where it was. He looked at the hospital and rushed to the SUV.

\----

Ianto felt foggy as he woke up. He felt confused and when it came back to him he wanted to cry. Fuck.

“Ianto?” He heard a familiar voice call. Ianto looked over, surprised.

“Rhi?” He couldn’t quite believe she was there. “Rhi?” He asked again.

“Oh, Ianto.” She practically sobbed. She reached over and took his hand into hers. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone. I love you, Ianto. I don’t want you gone.”

“Rhi, I’m sorry.” He whispered. He swallowed painfully and he opened his mouth with a grimace. Rhiannon shook her head.

“You probably need water. Let me call the doctor.” Rhiannon said softly, she kissed him softly on the cheek, squeezed his hand and went to find Doctor Rosenthal who had treated her little brother.

Ianto stared at her retreating figure and tried not to think. Rhiannon was here. He didn’t think he’d see her again. Ianto tried to sit up and found pain shooting through his shoulder. He remembered now.

The gun had misfired.

Why?

Ianto grimaced but managed to sit up, tried not to swallow into his too dry throat. Ianto looked at his hands a bit shocked to see how thin they looked. He didn’t think he looked so bad. Jack hadn’t said anything.

He knew he had been slipping up but…when was the last time he had cleaned his gun? Ianto couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a lot of things anymore as well as he used to. Most of the time he thought about the rats.  
Where were the rats? Ianto wasn’t feeling them right now. He looked at the IV in his arm. Something in there must be keeping his stomach’s relentless gnawing away.

Ianto hear footsteps. He looked up. Rhiannon came in with a man, obviously a doctor.

“Mr. Jones, how are you feeling?” The smile on his face was false. The look in his eyes condescending.

Ianto missed Owen.

Ianto grimaced as he opened his mouth. “Doctor, his throat.” Rhiannon managed to say for him. “I know Mrs. Davies, a nurse should be here soon to help with that. Let me try this again. Alright Mr. Jones, on a scale from one to five how do you feel?” Ianto gave him two fingers. The doctor nodded. The doctor wrote something down and then looked at him seriously.

\----

Jack frowned as he saw the hospital. Ianto was in there somewhere. Was he alone? He parked (after the incident at the station Jack wouldn’t put it past some of Swanson’s boys to impound the SUV on a ‘mistake’). He turned off the ignition and closed his eyes.

Ianto couldn’t have tried to kill himself. His gun must have misfired as he was putting it away. His call to his sister was misinterpreted. Who was he kidding?

Jack couldn’t lie to himself anymore. Rhiannon’s call was real. Ianto’s weapon had gone off twice. Ianto had tried to kill himself while he had most likely been shagging Gwen.

Jack tried not to think about this afternoon, about Ianto’s thin and haggard face. He tried not to think about the dead look in his eyes after Gwen had walked in. He hadn’t finished eating. Jack looked at the hospital.

He thought about how Ianto had felt a few nights ago as he slept and compared it to a few months ago. Ianto had lost too much weight. Jack wasn’t blind. He just hadn’t thought Ianto had lost that much weight.

The chocolate had stuck to Gwen’s upper teeth as she smiled. It had stuck in the gap of her teeth before she wiped it away with a quick swipe of her tongue. Jack had taken a bit of the chocolate pastry and laughed as Gwen wiped the chocolate off ‘discreetly’.

He hated those goddamn little pastries.

He had bought them for Ianto. Jack had gone out and bought Ianto’s favorite lunches and one of his favorite desserts because he realized Ianto had grown too thin. He hadn’t even offered his lover one once Gwen came into the room.

Jack turned on the SUV and drove away.

He couldn’t face Ianto like this.

\----

“I have an ulcer?” Ianto asked now that the water had quenched his parched throat. He wanted to guzzle the water but knew better. Dr. Rosenthal nodded. “So the rats were just an ulcer?” Ianto shook his head. “My last doctor didn’t see one.” He muttered.

“Mr. Jones, if your ulcer was stress induced it might have disappeared by your last check up.” Dr. Rosenthal hesitated for a moment, looking at Rhiannon who was hovering near Ianto. Ianto nodded, a go ahead. “Your…food issues only aggravated it. Can I ask the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday.” Ianto gave a bitter smile. “At least until it came up.”

“Were you unable to keep it down or was it voluntary?” At least the doctor was direct.

“I was having lunch with Jack.” Ianto said. “He left to be with Gwen and I couldn’t eat anymore.” Dr. Rosenthal seemed to understand and wrote something down. “I…don’t get hungry. It was the same after Lisa died. I just don’t get hungry. I try to eat but I can’t stomach too much.” He gave a haunted look. “Jack and Owen would make sure I would eat enough and Owen would give me a bit of medication if I couldn’t keep it down.”

“Who is Owen?”

“Owen Harper was our medic. He’s dead.” Ianto responded.

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Rosenthal said, and he sounded honest. Ianto shook off his concern. “We can give you a bit of medication for your ulcer, it should make eating at least bearable when you’re hungry. I don’t want to force the issue.” Dr. Rosenthal looked at them directly. “With the right therapy and help you can go back to a normal state Mr. Jones. I don’t have all the facts but you and I know you’re depressed.”

He looked at Rhiannon. “We have a lot of options and we’ll try to go over them in the next few days so that you have a clear idea as to what kind of treatment you want.”

“Days?”

“You tried to kill yourself, Mr. Jones. We have to be assured that you won’t harm yourself when you leave this hospital.” Ianto nodded, he thought as much. He looked at Rhiannon and imagined her leaving. Unlike Jack she wanted him around.

“Could I leave with my sister?”

“Given the unusual circumstances surrounding your case, Mr. Jones that may be possible.” Rhiannon smiled, relieved. She didn’t want Harkness around her brother, if she could take him home for a few days they could move forward together.  
\---

Jack looked over the night sky. His face was only slightly wet. God, he was an idiot.

He was going to lose Ianto. He knew it was inevitable. Ianto must have suspected, known that he was with Gwen. Jack smiled bitterly. Ianto knew everything.

Of course then there was Gwen. Gwen wouldn’t let go of Rhys. She wanted a normal life, children and the whole nine yards. Jack wouldn’t offer her that. He could but he wouldn’t.

He thought about having a child with Gwen Cooper and immediately thought of Alice. Gwen would leave with their child. Their romance was good while she was still young and beautiful but Jack knew she’d leave him for lesser reasons than Lucia. At least Lucia never claimed to love him.

Ianto was his choice between the two. He hadn’t lied when he said he had come back for him. After 2000 years under the earth you think he’d have found an appreciation for him even more than he had but Ianto had faded while Jack had come back. He had drifted toward Gwen because she was still standing. It was easy to get lost in her, to indulge in what he had wanted but not allowed himself because he had chosen, wanted Ianto.

Ianto had faded because of him. Jack remembered screaming awake. He remembered lashing out at anything physically when it became too much. Ianto had taken everything and not asked for anything.

They both loved him. Without one he would sink.

Jack had stupidly chosen the wrong lifeline.

He could almost feel the dirt in the back of his throat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

Ianto woke up. There was a faint smell in the air: pheromones. Jack. Ianto sat up quickly. The pheromones usually dissipated quickly which meant that Jack had been there. “Jack?” Ianto called softly. He needed to talk to his lov—boss. Nothing.

He had been in the hospital for three days and he had seen neither hide nor hair of either Jack or Gwen. He hadn’t made an effort to speak to either despite the medication that made the rats in his stomach—the ulcer—go away; it still hurt. It hurt so much. He knew his sister had put strict instructions with the staff to keep both away.

Jack could have overridden them but it could have been made difficult by the staff. Today was the first day that Rhiannon had gone home to stay overnight with her family. She felt Ianto had been doing better with the psychiatrist and medication. She had trusted Ianto’s response: too tired to hide much of anything he was bare for the world to read.

Jack had been here recently. Where was he? Why had he come? Ianto lay back down. He closed his eyes, a lump in his throat emerging. Jack.

He loved him but he had shattered his heart, broken him, and done nothing at all to help him. He couldn’t stay with Jack. It would destroy him, almost had. If he hadn’t reached out to his sister… Fear settled in his stomach. He’d be dead.

He wanted to die days ago. After hearing Jack say he loved Gwen. Not him, never him. After everything he had done it was such an…affront personally and on principal. Ianto had taken care of Jack with all he had.

Ianto rolled onto his side, his good side and tried not to think. Except he couldn’t. All he could think of was the aftermath of Tosh and Owen’s deaths.

He had helped Jack. He had taken more than one hit from the man without saying a word, without striking back. It had stopped but the first time…Jack had hurt him with a few punches and it had been only luck that his hysteria had weakened him, not strengthened him. He remembered Jack screaming awake, a call of fury and a fist slamming into his face then curling into a ball while he tried to get his bearings to retaliate but stopping. It was Jack.

The next few times were better. Three hits at most and only when Jack couldn’t take it. He had apologized with kisses, gifts and tears. Had it not been him then? Had it stopped because Gwen had taken him into her bed?

Ianto bit his lips. He’d talk about it with his doctor tomorrow. He couldn’t, wouldn’t keep it bottled up anymore.

\---

Jack stroked Ianto’s sleeping face. He was a fool. He deserved suffering at the hands of the Master another few years or remaining buried under the earth choking on the earth. He kissed him. Last time for everything.  
When Ianto had awaken for a moment Jack had been tempted to break the perception filter and beg, allow Ianto to rave or whatever the man in front of him wanted to do but he had stopped. Ianto had looked so tired Jack had stopped.

Ianto was healing from…this. The disaster he had created out of their relationship. He’d leave Ianto to heal. Contact him in a few days when he had his bearings. Until then he would send a message. Ask for forgiveness even if he didn’t deserve it. Ianto hardly started to heal.

No. Ianto would be the one he would decide whether he merited forgiveness. He wouldn’t pressure him. Jack had destroyed enough people on purpose to know that pressure was the last thing Ianto needed. No he would apologize and admit that he deserved nothing from Ianto.

In the last few days he had had their—Ianto’s flat cleaned professionally and the door fixed. He kept him on pay and would pay any private care personally. He had moved out his things from the flat and returned Ianto’s from the Hub.

Gwen was…angry. Jack had dropped her faster than a coal in the hand. He refused to touch her and told her to look for new recruits out of the police squad. He had already marked out Andy. Andy had saved Ianto’s life. If Andy still wanted to work for them he’d hire him with whatever reasonable benefits he wanted.

He had been looking for a new medic personally and tech support. He’d hire several new recruits to make more than one team. If Ianto came back he’d have his own staff of archivists and lead a team.

It was something he should have done ages ago. Ianto would have helped the searches move faster. Ianto would have smiled at him and given him a cup of coffee to enjoy with a massage when it became too much stress. He would have loved learning his new upcoming team of archivists. He would have loved Jack staying faithful.

It was past the time for regrets though. All he could do was rebuild, wait and hope.

Jack kissed Ianto one last time and said goodbye.

\----

When the letter had arrived in the mail, Rhys had been curious. Now he was furious. He had had his suspicions but this had sealed it. Gwen was on the phone in the living room talking to someone from the police, something about setting up an interview about a promotion. Except no one wanted to speak to her. This was the third call today and each time Gwen had ended screaming at the person on the other line.

Gwen had cheated on him. Twice. Once with her boss and once with their dead medic (when he had been alive of course). Where was Ianto though? He had been Jack’s boyfriend. Rhys had seen them out once. They had been very romantic and had inspired his own bout of romantic actions toward his wife.

God. What was he suppose to do? He loved Gwen but this was too much. Rhys had never cheated on Gwen. God knows he had had the time when she had hidden Torchwood from him. He hadn’t understood why she hadn’t just told him it had been some special ops job. It would have held his curiosity at bay but Gwen had played him like a fool then.

God had she been surprised when he refused to back down with the whale incident. It was more than a shock to learn she’d done it more than once. He could forgive her job. It was a state secret and *aliens* but cheating. Rhys felt bile rise in his throat.

He was not a man easy to anger but if he didn’t control his emotions he might do something he would regret for the rest of his life. After a few minutes Rhys felt he was controlled enough to meet up with Gwen. He didn’t hear her speaking anymore so figured the meeting was over.

He walked into the living room, the letter in his hand.

“Gwen.” His voice sounded surprisingly calm. Gwen looked up, her face tired and pinched from stress.

“Not now Rhys, I’m really tired. I still have another few calls to make.” She picked up her mobile. Rhys grabbed it and threw it into the kitchen. It clattered onto the floor. “What the hell? Rhys, I have a job to do!” Gwen snapped as she stood up.

Rhys felt another bout of rage flare up. He knew if he opened his mouth he would scream. He thrust the letter into her face. “Read it.” He ground out between clenched teeth.

Gwen took it and read it. Her face paled. “Rhys.”

“No. Gwen. I love you. God knows I’ve done more than enough for year to prove it. I haven’t let you down when you needed me for Torchwood. I trusted you and after Toshiko and Owen died I handled the long nights alone because they died. Instead of working to keep us safe you were fucking your boss!” He screamed.

“Don’t you judge me!” She screamed her face red. “You wouldn’t understand. You didn’t want to speak you just wanted me to go back to how things were!”

“I didn’t understand because you never said a damn word about it, Gwen!” He started pacing. “And while you were fucking with your boss I was working double shifts because of the bombings! People I knew died, Gwen! I had to handle paperwork, find lost or stolen equipment, get repairs done and hire new staff. I’m the bloody manager Gwen not the janitor! I had responsibilities just like you but I didn’t blow them off!”

Gwen had turned quite. “Rhys.” Rhys shook his head.

“No, don’t talk. I don’t trust you Gwen. Everything you’ve told me is a lie. Everything. I don’t want to hear more of it. I know I’m not Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen, but you married me and that meant something to me. You married me in front of our families. You made vows. I kept them.” He gave a lack luster smile. “I’m not stupid enough to think that everyone is going to stick together but you could have told me you wanted this over.” He swallowed.

Gwen was crying. “What are you going to do?” She whispered.

“Nothing. I want you to leave, Gwen.” He looked away. “The flat is under my name and Torchwood pays you enough so you can get a night at a decent hotel today.”

“Rhys, please don’t do this.” Gwen begged. “I’m sorry. Jack was a mistake. We were just lonely, Rhys. I wasn’t shagging him all the time. I swear I was actually working.”

“I don’t trust you, Gwennie.” Rhys whispered suddenly feeling tired but surprisingly strong. “I don’t believe you. Please leave. We can try and rebuild this later but you need to leave now.” Rhys closed his eyes. “I’m going to go out for a bit so you can pack. I want you gone when I get back.”

“I can’t pack everything.” Gwen protested. Rhys’ anger flared again.

“I know that Gwen! Just get enough shit so that I don’t have to see you for a while.”

Gwen remained silent as tears fell down her face. Rhys grabbed his wallet, coat, and keys then left the flat. Rhys refused to look back as the door closed. He heard something shatter a few steps away from the door. He didn’t turn back.

\----

Jack looked up as the cog rolled open. Gwen stormed in to the Hub a roller bag trailing behind her. “Jack,” She sobbed, calling out to him. She dropped the bag and walked to him. Jack took her into his arms hesitantly. He had been trying to avoid personal contact with her the past few days.

“Gwen, what’s wrong?” He asked.

“Rhys…” She sobbed.

“Something happened to Rhys?” He asked confused. The fleeting, thrilling feeling he felt in the last few months wasn’t present. Instead he felt tired and didn’t want to deal with another one of Gwen’s tantrums. He knew he wasn’t being reasonable but Gwen had had more than her fair share of outbursts in her Torchwood career. He didn’t want to deal with another one. Not now.

Part of him wanted to fire her but he had no grounds to do so. He had messed up his relationship with Ianto not Gwen. Oh Gwen wasn’t innocent in the least. She knew he had been seeing Ianto and she had Rhys. This had ruined their personal relationship, which is why he was looking to expand the team and build new units because he knew that it would affect their professional relationship.

“Rhys found out.” She muttered. Oh. No wonder Gwen had come in with a bag. Rhys had kicked her out. “I have no where to stay.”

“No, Gwen.” he said before he realized that he had uttered the words. “You can’t stay here.”

“Why not? Ianto’s not around. I don’t know where you sent him but clearly he’s out of your life.” Rage filled him for a moment and Jack wanted to hurt Gwen. He wanted to show him the monster that he really was. Hurt her in the worst possible ways but he didn’t because he had become a better man, had been a better man underneath.

“Because it’s over!” He snarled. “I don’t want to fuck you anymore. I should never have fucked you. I lost him because of you.” He shook. “I had him…with him I— " Jack cut himself off. Gwen looked confused.

“What? Jack no.” Gwen pulled away. “I thought you and I --- we. We have something.”

“What we had is a mistake.” Jack snapped. “I wanted you, Gwen. I wanted you for a long time but I wanted him more. I came back for him.” He closed his eyes. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that! I let you get away with a lot but don’t you dare talk about him like that, not after—not after what I did to him.”

“Where is he, Jack” Gwen asked as she stepped away from him. Fear in her eyes. She had never seen this side of him before.

“He’s in the hospital. Don’t look for him. He needs time alone.” He looked away from her unable to meet his eyes. “We need to put this behind us.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. That’s just it. I did nothing.” he said bitterly. “My life is one long line of regrets, Gwen. My parents, my brother, my children, my wife, my daughter, Alice, Ianto.” He looked at her. “You.”

“You can’t mean that.” She whispered.

“Yes. No.” He sighed. “I don’t regret knowing you, Gwen. You’re brilliant, beautiful, vibrant. I should never had fucked you. Never let myself get distracted from what was really important.”

“You can’t blame me for what happened.” Gwen said her voice reflecting her tears. “I didn’t force myself on you. You were begging for me. You told me you loved me.” Her voice grew stronger. “You never told him that.”

“Gwen.” Jack broke. “It was a mistake. And I do. I do love you. I-I love him. I never told him because losing him is one of the worst things that will happen to me.” He took in a harsh breath. “Has happened to me. If things had been different. If I had never met Ianto or met you first then maybe…but you know things are never simple, Gwen.” He paused as if not wanting to admit things. “If I am very lucky he will forgive me. In time. I can try and win him back again.”

“And what am I suppose to do?” Gwen snapped. “I don’t know what is going on! Rhys left me. You don’t want me. Everyone on the force is acting like I’m a leper. What is going on, Jack? What does everyone hate me? Why does no one want? What am I suppose to do!”

“HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF!” Jack finally screamed, truly screamed. “I DROVE HIM AWAY AND HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF!” He looked distraught and haunted. “He was there for me when I needed him. He took everything I did without complaining, without defending himself and I let him fade away.”

Gwen was pale. “He what-?”

“You heard me right.” Jack said. “You have no idea what I did after I came back both times, Gwen. After I came back from the Doctor he was there for me. He took care of me, handled me like it wasn’t some burden. I was messed up after Grey. Admittedly what happened with the Doctor wasn’t fun, I can’t remember now very well but he was there. I know he was contemplating retconning me if only I could forget and live. He can’t make me forget 2000 years.”

Jack looked away from her. “What you saw was a nice put together Jack. What he had put back together after I screamed all night or hurt him just so I could do something to try and get away from myself. It was like I was stuck in my head and I couldn’t get out. He took it all.”

“So you want me to kiss you, tell you I love you, and make it all better? I can’t do that.” He started pacing again. “I can’t do that. Move on, Gwen. Hope Rhys forgives you.” He stopped. “I won’t fuck you again, Gwen.”

He turned and walked into his office, closed the door, and left Gwen standing in the Hub sobbing.

\-----

Rhiannon woke up feeling exhausted. The last few days were difficult to say the least but Ianto looked like he was getting better. He had one more day at the hospital before the let him go if he didn’t want to stay. Except Ianto wanted to stay. It meant something.

She had to hope for the best. She knew she hadn’t been the best sister for him but it had been both their fault. Now she wasn’t going to let him drift away from her. He might not want to tell her about his real job, the one where he used a gun but he would admit that it was dangerous. He would be able to tell her things or turn to her if things got hard.

It wouldn’t happen overnight but it would happen. She would work toward it. Rhiannon stood up and got dressed. She promised Ianto she would see him for lunch. She enjoyed breakfast with Mica, David and Johnny.

“How is Uncle Ianto?” David asked, there was curiosity but a lack of warmth and concern that bothered her. “Did he really try and kill himself?”

“Yes and he’s fine.”

“Does that mean that he’s going to be stuck in some nuthouse? Do we get his money?”

“David! Ianto is sick and no he’s not going to be stuck in some nuthouse.” She stabbed her breakfast. “In a little while he’ll be better. He’s been through a lot.”

“Like what?” Mica asked curiously. She couldn’t grasp the severity of the action. “Why is Uncle Ianto sick with?”

“He’s very sad, Mica. Ianto has been hiding a lot from us because he wants to keep us safe. He works for the government, a branch that’s very dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” David asked incredulous. “He’s a civil servant!”

“No, David. Uncle Ianto has a very dangerous job. He worked in London for a little while before a terrorist attack killed everyone he worked with, including his fiancée Lisa. We never met her but he wanted to marry her. He works for the same group and they recently lost two people in the attacks a few months ago.” She paused and weighed he words. “Your Uncle Ianto is a hero.”

“So he’s like James Bond?” David asked unable to believe so much had been going on in his life.

“Sort of but you can’t tell anyone David. It could put all of us in danger. It could put Uncle Ianto in even more dangerous. Do you realize how much Uncle Ianto has give up for us?”

David was quiet and he nodded. “David, look at me.” Johnny suddenly announced. David looked at him. “Swear you won’t tell anyone about Uncle Ianto. Do you want Mica hurt or dead? Do you want bad things to happen to me or your Mum? To you?”

“No.” he looked at all of them. “I won’t tell mum, dad. I swear.” Rhiannon nodded and breakfast went by in tense silence. Mica would chatter every few minutes say how she hoped Uncle Ianto got better soon because she wanted to show him a lot of things so he wouldn’t be sad anymore. Rhiannon wished she had her naïveté.

The trip to the hospital was uneventful. She entered, greeted the nurse at reception and headed to Ianto’s room. As she got off the elevator something happened. She saw PC Andy arguing with a very handsome man in a large coat. He looked awful and somehow she realized that he was Ianto’s boss.

She didn’t hear what he and PC Andy were saying but she rushed at him and punched him. Ianto’s Jack flew into the wall with a look of surprise.

“You stay the fuck away from my brother you bastard.” She ground out. “If you want to speak to him you can tell me and I’ll tell him. You won’t see him until he says so.”

Ianto’s Jack looked at her surprised. “I- I, yes. I understand.” Jack muttered. “You must be his sister. You both have the same left hook.”

“I should have your balls for what you did to him.” She growled.

Jack stood up cautiously; he kept his back to the wall. “I know you’re angry at me and probably really hate me but I want him to get better.”

“I won’t see him. Not without his permission. PC Davidson I hope to speak to you later but I’ll leave.” He turned to Rhiannon, flinching back when she raised her fist before thinking better of it and putting her arm down. Andy might be a friend but he was still a policeman and could arrest her, especially if Jack wanted her too.

Rhiannon watched him leave and turned to Andy.

“What did he want?” Andy looked at her before speaking.

“He was with Ianto.” He glared behind her. “Ianto was sleeping and I don’t know how he got through security because the staff has instructions to not let him or Gwen through to see him. I dragged him out; he didn’t put much of a fight. This has really put him off his game.”

“What were you arguing about, then?” Andy looked chagrinned.

“He offered me a job. I really want to work for Torchwood even with what’s happened. They do a lot of good work but…”

“You’re not sure.”

“Yeah.”

“Andy, if you want the job, take it. I won’t hate your for it. It’s still a good opportunity.”

“I’m going to think about it. Ask Ianto when he can, if he can.” Andy replied. “You better go see your brother, Rhiannon. His meds still make him a bit groggy but he should be up soon.”

Rhiannon nodded. “I’ll see you later Andy.” He nodded and turned back to the lift.

Rhiannon walked back to his room. Ianto was up which surprised her. “Rhi?”

Rhiannon put a smiled on her face. “Ianto, how are you? We’re going to get lunch in a few.” Ianto nodded, he seemed distracted. “Ianto?” She felt worried.

“What did Jack want?”

“Jack wasn’t-“

“Don’t lie to me.” He stared at her.

“He wanted to talk to you.” She told him what Jack said.

“I want to see him in three days.”

“Ianto, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I need to see him, Rhi.”

“What will you tell him?”

“I don’t know. I’ll decide by the time it comes.” Rhiannon nodded and started talking about Mica and David.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

Jack looked at the message on his phone. Rhiannon had sent it on Ianto’s behalf (it had said as much). Two days. Ianto wanted to see him in two days. Jack bit his lip. He didn’t know what to expect. He shook his head. He would wait. He couldn’t dwell on it now. Not when they were down another team member. He sighed.

On the bright side Andy had called him. He wanted to set up on interview “or whatever you Spooky-dos do” (his words). He gave a grim smile. He had a feeling Andy would end up joining. He got up and walked out into the Hub. Gwen was looking over a pile of folders.

After a quick talk to Detective Swanson and the higher ups at the police precinct late last night Gwen wasn’t being treated like a pariah. Swanson had not been happy but once she had heard that Torchwood had been scouting things had changed, although only three of the previous officers that Gwen had contacted called her back to apologize. The rest hadn’t. Jack sighed, at least that was good.

If the officers had swallowed their pride and called back that was a good sign.

Jack shook his head when he saw Gwen. She looked terrible and the news that Andy possibly was going to join Torchwood had not made it any better. Jack could understand. Torchwood had been Gwen’s little island and secret. After the Second World War one of Jack’s old buddies had been contracted and he hadn’t liked it either.

People did not like their worlds overlapping.

“Gwen!” He called knowing that they would have to pull more than their fair share of weight in the next few months. “How’s the search going?”

“Not very good, Jack. I’ve been going through files and looking for the qualities you want.” Her eyes were teary for a moment but the tears were gone in the next blink. “There aren’t many. Do you want me to start searching in other cities?”

“Not yet, we’re drawing locally first then we’ll pull from the rest of the UK we have to re-staff Torchwood Two, too.” He smiled at the repetition. His smile felt forced even to him although it did tickle him as amusing in a stupid kind of way.

“Torchwood Two?” Gwen asked.

“Yeah, part of a bigger plan. I’m going to expand Torchwood, start up new branches, reinforce the existing ones. I won’t start expanding until the latter happens though. Expansion beyond Cardiff and Glasgow might not even happen.”

“Oh.” Gwen bit her lip. “You didn’t tell me this.”

“No, I…It’s still not a concrete plan. Right now we do need to rebuild and I realized we can’t work with only five people anymore.” Jack was proud that his voice didn’t shake. “Not after Tosh and Owen,”

“What about Ianto? Are you letting him come back?”

“If he wants to.” Jack answered vaguely. “He’ll be Head Archivist, in the truest sense. He just won’t have the title because he’s the only one here.”

“So you’re expanding support positions as well.” Gwen stated.

“Research and support. Like Ianto,” He swallowed hard but continued. “they should be able to do both as well as be able to act incase of an attack.” He sighed. “No one said it would be easy but we have to start now or it’ll be harder later when we’re really in a bind.”

He shook his head. “I think I was more than short-sighted last time. We did well with four people, then with five but we sometimes worked 24/7. We need to expand and grow. I-I don’t want to become another Torchwood One so that’s why we have to recruit well with people who can both fight, protect, and work both alone or with others. We need to grow but not too big.” He shrugged and looked away from Gwen.

When Gwen didn’t say anything Jack looked back and saw her looking at the files. Her face was blank. “We’re going to destroy too many lives, Jack.”

“We’re not going to be destroying anything.” He growled. “Casualties are a result high risk situations. Army, special ops—the real ones, not just us pretending to be them–– and groups like them have a casualty rate, Gwen. It’s inevitable.”

“You know what I mean!” Gwen snapped. “Look what’s it done to us. To Tosh and Owen, to me, to you, to Ianto.” She whispered the last name and Jack felt anger come at him.

“Torchwood did not destroy us, Gwen! You and I destroyed our relationships without any help from Torchwood. Torchwood did not curse me with immortality.” Jack closed his eyes and tried to get a hold of his anger. “Torchwood did not destroy, Ianto. Ianto-Ianto is fine, will be fine. Torchwood One made him a survivor, not a victim. You want to know what destroyed Ianto, Gwen? US!” Gwen opened her mouth, her eyes flashing with fury and teary. “Oh that’s right, it’s not your fault. I *raped* you, right? We didn’t have dates or have dinner. No, I forced you down and raped you. Fine, Gwen, you don’t want responsibility for it. That’s okay. *I* destroyed Ianto, me. Me alone.” He snarled then turned back to go to his office as he heard Gwen call out.

“Why are you doing this, Jack?”

“I’m not doing anything, Gwen. I’m trying…I’m trying to move forward, Gwen. To rebuild. This is beyond us, Gwen. It’s beyond me and you and Ianto. I did what I wanted to avoid: I led Torchwood off the path I set out for it. Please, Gwen. You want to fight with me, fine, but do it when it’s not working hours.”

 

“I…Alright, Jack.” Gwen whispered. “Jack, I-I need a few hours off this week. To look for a flat.” Jack nodded absent mindedly, not bothering to turn around. “I’ll check the Predictor but I think you might be able to look on Wednesday and Friday afternoon.” Jack suddenly felt exhausted and walked back into his office. He closed the door behind him.  
\----

Ianto looked at the ceiling of his new room. It was a nice private room and while not posh provided him with much needed privacy. Ianto didn’t want to return to the flat and be met up with the scene or the memories. He moved on the bed.

He didn’t know what to tell Jack. He had vague ideas but he wasn’t sure if he should do it, now. His shoulder ached and Ianto tried not to move too quickly as he sat up. This room would be expensive but neither he nor Rhiannon had received a bill. It had Jack written all over it.

Rhiannon had taken his mobile and while he knew the number by heart he didn’t want to call him. There hadn’t been a note inside or a message dropped off due to the persuading power of a few bills. Not an apology then, but what? Admittance? Guilt?

Ianto bit his lip and looked at the time. Lunch would be served in less than half an hour. He didn’t know whether to call and ask for it to be brought to him or wait. Hunger waged a war in his stomach and Ianto called for help.

He was surprised how hungry he could be. The ulcer was still there; eating away at his stomach lining but it was easier now, different.

The power of medication.

He wondered if Canary Wharf and Lisa’s death would have been dealt with easier if he’d gone to Owen or even the local hospital for medication. He couldn’t imagine Owen handing the pills without telling him to piss off at least once and smiled. It shouldn’t be a happy memory, not given the circumstance of both events (One and the post-Cyberwoman fall-out) but it was nice to think of Owen without feeling like his sacrifice wasn’t worth it.

There was a knock on the door. “Come in.” He muttered. One of the attendants entered, Ianto didn’t recognize the man. His breakfast had been brought in by his sister (and God could Rhi not cook).

“Hello, Mr. Jones.” The man smiled. “You asked for lunch?”

“Yes, thank you.” Ianto smiled weakly. The man set down the plate down on a sideboard as he put a tray over Ianto’s lap them put on the tray. “Would you like water or juice?”

“Water.” Ianto ate lunch in silence. It was tasteless for the most part. Ianto put the tray away and called for it to be picked up. God he was bored. He’d need to tell Rhi to pick him up his non-Torchwood laptop…from the flat. With the broken door. Great. He’d probably been burgled by now.

Ianto bit sighed and felt his stomach churn with acid. No, he needed to calm down. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The police most likely had set up some perimeter. Right, Andy. He’d call Andy and ask him to check up on his flat. Although, Jack had come to visit which meant he knew and most likely had gone to the flat. If the room was indication then maybe Jack had fixed the it, or at least the door.

He didn’t know who to contact: Jack or Andy. If Jack had had the door fixed then he needed a new key. Andy wouldn’t have it. He’d have Rhi call Jack ask for the new key if that was the case. He could wait until he spoke to Jack though. In two days.

Except he didn’t have anything to do and while they provided a television in his room he had no idea what to watch. Working for Torchwood wasn’t exactly conducive to watching programs regularly.

Ianto waited for the orderly to come back, gave him his lunch and settled down to watch TV. He had a lot to think about and therapy wouldn’t be until a few hours.

He’d call Rhi once his stomach settled down.

\----

Jack wasn’t surprised when he received a text from Rhiannon on behalf Ianto. He handed over the key without a word of protest and swore it was the only copy (it was). Then Rhiannon left and Jack was left thinking about tomorrow with nervousness. What did Ianto want from his flat?

He missed Ianto. God did he miss him. No. He wasn’t heading down that road again. Self-pity and self recrimination wasn’t going to do anything, it wasn’t going to help Ianto get better.

Jack entered the empty Hub and sighed. He looked at the coffee machine and smiled weakly. Maybe one day…

He walked back to his office and went back to the files. He had two candidates for medics. He looked at the file for David Singh. Too old. He smiled ruefully. If anyone was too old it was him.

He picked up the next file. Tomorrow was the big day.

\---

Ianto had Jack meet him on the hospital grounds. The grounds were hardly more than a green space but Ianto didn’t think about it. Somehow it made it better that it didn’t have a lavish private garden, it would make him feel like there was something even more wrong with him. Although he tried to pretend that Rhi and one of the staff members weren’t a bit away.

When Jack showed up Ianto had to hold back a gasp. Jack looked like hell. He had lost weight in the last few days, his clothing was not up to its usual standards, and he looked haggard. Jack didn’t smile when he saw him; instead the vestiges of regret and something Ianto couldn’t identify were on his eyes.

Rhi sent a glare that could melt the polar ice caps his way before turning away. Ianto sent her a silent thanks for letting him handle his affairs without snooping. “Ianto.” Jack spoke first. His voice sounded as bad as his appearance. “How are you? That’s a stupid question. I- Can I sit down?” he gestured to the seat next to Ianto on the small bench where he sat.

“Yeah.” Ianto wished his voice were stronger. There were only inches between them but it might as well have been miles. Ianto tried to speak but found he couldn’t and turned his eyes away to the surrounding buildings. He could feel Jack looking at him.

“Ianto, we can meet at a different time if you can’t do it now.” Jack’s voice was soft. “You shouldn’t push yourself.” The tone was tinged with worry and concern. It sent a wave of anger through Ianto.

“Don’t act like you give a fuck now, Jack Harkness.” He hissed and glared at Jack. Jack looked taken aback. “Don’t you dare. You have no right.” Ianto swallowed, his stomach churned and he closed his eyes. “I-I need time away.” Jack said nothing. “What we had Jack, it’s been over for a while.”

“I know.” Jack whispered. Ianto opened his eyes and looked at him. He looked surprisingly small for such a large man. “It’s my fault.”

“Yes.” Jack flinched. “I’m not going to yell at you Jack. I’m too tired for it.” Ianto looked at his hands. “We both know what went wrong.” He laughed. “We both know I should have done something sooner that didn’t involve a gun.”

“No. It’s not your fault. I should have helped you. I should have done something but ignored it because I did see you Ianto. I saw you were losing weight, I saw what I was doing to you. That’s why I bought you lunch before, it was just easier to pretend nothing was wrong.”

“I don’t want to talk about this Jack.” Ianto muttered.

“I’m sorry. I told myself I’d hear you out and here I am screwing up everything again. Tell me.”

“I’m taking time off, like I told you. I know you paid for this and thank you. I need the help, Jack. I need to put myself together. I was relying too much on you.” Jack flinched but said nothing. “I don’t know if I’ll come back to Torchwood. I’m asking you not to retcon me, if I don’t. I want to remember Tosh and Owen.

“You did it with Rhys. You could do it now right?”

At the mention of Rhys’ name Jack grimaced. For a moment Ianto thought Jack would tell him no or lie. “I wouldn’t retcon you, Ianto. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually. It’s up to you of course but your place with Torchwood.” Ianto looked at him.

“You’ll have a place if you come back. I’m…I’m expanding just like you told me too a few months ago. You’d be Head Archivist. It’s there if you want. We’re getting a few more researchers. If you don’t want to come back, I’ll understand. You’ll get a severance package with benefits.”

“I need time to think about it.” Jack nodded. “You need to get your things out of the flat.” Ianto voice waivered as he said it. “I need my things from the Hub.”

“Done.”

“What?”

“I already did that. I thought you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me afterward.” He sighed. “Whatever treatments you need just contact me. I’ll send whatever money you need if you get for private care. If you want a new flat I’ll pay for it.”

“I don’t want your money, Jack.” Ianto said softly with so much anger that he almost missed Jack’s response.

“It’s not about money! I want you to get better, Ianto!” Rhi and the guard turned toward them, Ianto motioned for them to stay. “I need you to get better.” He said at the end. “You helped me, Ianto, and I can’t do that but you’ll get it here, with your sister, maybe outside of Cardiff. You deserve this at least because I’m no good for you.” Ianto sat there, stunned. “I can’t help you get better.”

“Oh.” Ianto muttered. He didn’t know what to say. Ianto looked at him. “I told Rhys about you and Gwen.” he said quickly. “I thought you should know. The letter should have gotten there by now but I thought he had a right to know. He should get himself checked out for STIs.” Jack shook his head.

“I don’t have anything. You don’t have anything. I was careful.” Jack said softly. “I really was.”

Ianto said nothing in reply. Jack fidgeted next to him, “I’m sorry,” he said. “for everything.” Ianto didn’t know what to say. He didn’t believe him. “I don’t expect you to accept it but you need to know. This was never supposed to happen. I thought we’d be fine together, move forward. Instead I ruined you.

“I really am sorry, Ianto. I hurt you.”

“Jack.” Ianto wanted him to stop. “Don’t.”

“I hit you, Ianto. I practically raped you the last few times we had sex. You weren’t there.” He said, his voice harsh and accented with emotion. Ianto didn’t want to think about that, not now. He wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“Jack, please, don’t.” Jack shut up, thankfully. Ianto closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths.

“Just don’t. If I ever want to talk about it, it won’t be with you.” He said. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Ianto looked over to his sister. “I don’t have anything more to say, Jack. Just don’t contact me. Leave my family alone. Don’t let Gwen anywhere near us.” He looked hard at Jack, though his eyes looked tired.

“She’ll try when she feels guilty enough. I don’t want her excuses, I don’t want to hear her crying or yelling at me for ruining her life.” He gave a rueful smile. “That’s the least you can do.”

Jack nodded. He said nothing as Ianto got up and walked toward his sister. Ianto refused to turn around. Rhiannon helped him walk back into the hospital once they were out of sight, his shoulder hurt and his stomach felt a bit off but everything would be fine.

It had to be.

\---  
It was a wonder what could be done in half a year.

Jack found agents. He found researchers. He formed three teams of five, had two on sight medics, and found at least two potential archivists.

Torchwood’s relationship with the police had improved in part because Andy had replaced Gwen as liaison officer. He had surprisingly done a better job than Gwen. Several officers had been drafted by Andy as ‘preventive’ officers, handling low level calls such as weevil appearances and the appearance of non-dangerous Rift debris.

It had taken up nearly all his time to train his men properly but Jack didn’t complain about the lack of sleep he didn’t need. Each of his teams worked great independently and had found the right balance between members. Jack was still trying to learn more about all of them but had stayed professional, he knew enough about their lives but he wasn’t going to slip up like last time.

Gwen and Rhys had found some sort of middle ground and seemed to be nursing their relationship though Jack wasn’t sure if it would work out. He didn’t have enough information to go by anyway. He had a strictly professional relationship with Gwen. He didn’t join her on weekly ‘pub’ sessions that cropped up occasionally with the others.

He had no friends, no lover, and no family (Alice was in another one of her moods and unless he counted his frozen brother he was alone––Gray was as good as dead).

He felt extraordinarily lonely.

Jack Harkness had remained true to his word though; he had not contacted Ianto or his family. He had waited but had only received bills, which he had promptly paid. Then, six months, two weeks, and three days after Ianto Jones had tried to take his own life Jack received a message: Ianto was coming back.  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

The change in him was drastic. No longer underweight and haggard from stress and depression, Ianto looked like the man that first caught his eyes in Bute Park nearly three years ago. He looked healthy and happier than Jack remembered.

Jack couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

“Sir,” Jack wanted to reach and touch him, ensure himself that Ianto wasn’t a figment of his imagination but restrained himself. He smiled politely at Ianto and welcomed him. Ianto looked over the hub. “You’ve done well, I see.”

“Well it took a lot of work but I managed to piece together a functional organization.” He said nothing about the incident that had led to that. “The Archives are mess, I’m sorry to say. We tried to be careful with them but I haven’t hired anyone to take care of it. Steven, that’s Steven Hicks-- one of the researchers, takes care of it as best as he can but he’s not exactly trained for it.” Jack coughed. “I figured that if you were coming back you’d like to take care of it as Head Archivist rather than have us muck up what was already in place.” Ianto nodded then his eyes roamed across the hub.

His gaze lingered in the kitchen. “No one’s touched it. We’ve been living off of instant and Winifred’s tea.” Jack knew that Ianto loved that coffee machine: a mixture of fine engineering and pedantry ensured only true coffee aficionados could use it. In other words it was the ideal coffee machine for Ianto. Jack had almost sent it to him in a fit of pique when he thought about how much he lost in order to try and win his favor back. Fortunately he had quickly come to reason and stayed true to his word about no contact.

“Winifred?” Ianto asked.

“Stryford. She’s one of the new members, obviously,” Jack said with a wan smile, “something of a techie and weapons specialist.” Ianto nodded. “I have some files for you to review. They’re candidates for archivists. I’ve kept them updated so you won’t have to do a lot of follow up.”

“Great. How’s Myfawny?” He asked while he looked up for the giant pterosaur. She was out hunting though; Ianto seemed to realize this and reluctantly turned his head to meet his gaze again.

Jack had to work to keep that cold blue stare. God this was awkward. “She missed you. She nearly killed me a few times when I tried to feed her and she destroyed Gwen’s desk about five times once she realized you were gone. She’s out at the moment, hunting.” He added unhelpfully.

“I guess we should start filling up the paperwork that readmits me into an active agent.” Ianto said as he moved to his office. Jack walked after him.

The day passed quickly after the paperwork. Jack introduced Ianto to all the team members, only saying that Ianto had been on extended leave. Gwen had kept her distance. He’d have to work out scheduling issues so that Ianto and Gwen spent as little time as possible together. Susan “I don’t have a middle name, stop asking.” Anthony, the primary onsite medic, had been assigned to Ianto at his consent. Anthony wouldn’t talk about what she read in his medical files, she held doctor-patient confidentiality to the highest standard possible.

Until Anthony cleared Ianto for field duty he was staying in the Hub for now. Jack bit his lip and watched as Ianto puttered around his new desk, it was still really his old desk but in a new location. He was beautiful and happy.

Jack smiled sardonically. It didn’t matter if Ianto never gave him another chance, no. As long as he stayed healthy and happy then Jack would accept it and look out for him as best as he could. Ianto must have felt him staring because he turned around; his look was stony.

Jack shifted uncomfortable, nodded absently, and turned around back to his office. Ianto didn’t come up. The first shift ended at five and as the next team came in Ianto came into his office.  
“How are you liking it?” Jack asked trying to stall the question of “Why were you looking at me?”

“Good. You have a good rotation, and duties seem evenly split so the Hub’s clean.” Ianto cleared his throat. “You were right about the Archives though but I’m glad you at least tried to keep it somewhat organized and logged the items into the electronic database, that’ll cut my work in half.” Jack nodded. “Do you have my time schedule set yet?”

“No, I have a bit of things to work on before I think it’ll be done.” Jack looked down. “You can come in tomorrow like today though.” God he didn’t want to talk about it but he managed to look at Ianto when he said it. “Gwen has the late shift, you won’t see her at all then.”

Ianto nodded. “How many shifts are there?” Jack answered.

“Three. That gives everyone 8-hour shifts plus overtime if anything comes up. Of course people are still on active duty at all times but otherwise the schedule is pretty fair.” Jack could feel Ianto’s gaze judging him. “Gwen moves around a bit more than the others because of her experience working here. She provides auxiliary training.”

Ianto didn’t say anything but looked thoughtful. “Eventually I’m going to have to work with her, again.” And you, that remained unsaid. “I’m not field ready yet so I’d appreciate it if you scheduled us apart for the time being.” Ianto said evenly.

“I’ll make sure of it. Uh, what’d you think of the candidates?”

Ianto shrugged. “Good choices, I’ll have to look more closely but I think I can make a selection from them.” Ianto waved toward his desk. “How many are there going to be?”

“Two or three, it depends on what you think.” Jack said. “We’ve a lot of funding, Ianto.” He paused but continued. “One’s funding didn’t just disappear, it’s been going under our budget I just haven’t used it well.”

“I know. I did finances too, remember?” Ianto stated.

“Yes, actually, forget anything I was going to say. I keep forgetting you seem to know everything about this place.” Jack said with a small smile. Ianto returned it, though it was less than honest. “You can go home now, if you want. I’ll introduce you to the second team before you go.” Ianto nodded. Jack got up and escorted him out.

He had Ianto’s schedule finished after the second shift had left and the third arrived.

It wasn’t difficult to organize it but that schedule wouldn’t go into effect until he had Anthony’s notes and advise on what would be best for Ianto. Right now Ianto took either first shift or second shift, it depended on what shift Gwen had that day. For the most part though he took the first shift, the normal 9-5 job hours that would make any Torchwood member envious.

Jack knew it wasn’t fair but he owed Ianto that much, as did Torchwood as the second most senior member of the branch (Archie still outranked Ianto in terms of seniority and position in the organization as a whole). Jack went down to his cubby and lied down. His body could stand the lack of sleep (he hadn’t slept since Ianto had left), the nightmares weren’t worth it.

He got up an hour later feeling physically much better but his mind was overworked. He crawled out of his hole and out of his office. From the catwalk he heard someone call him.

“Yo boss,” Jack heard Dr. Willard call from the medical bay. “Can I speak to you for a bit? These results are interesting to say the least but I can’t read Dr. Harper’s handwritten notes that were scanned into the archive.” Jack turned. Dr. Willard was a thin man in his mid thirties who would pester Jack more than Gwen until he got his attention, fortunately Willard only pestered Jack for professional matters rather than personal.

“I can’t help you at the moment, but if you send me the file I’ll have them typed for you by the time you get in your next shift. Unless it’s urgent?” Jack lied. He didn’t want to deal with anything Torchwood at the moment.

“No, that’ll be fine. Thanks,” Willard said smiling then going back to the medical bay to finish whatever he was doing. Jack smiled curtly then headed toward the cogdoor. “I’m going out for a bit, Chen you’re in charge.” He yelled over his shoulder. He barely heard the screamed “Roger!” over the alarm.

Jack headed toward Ianto’s flat. He saw his Audi parked there and saw no lights turned on. Given the time of night that was understandable. Jack kept driving. He’d see him soon enough back at the office.

Jack drove aimlessly for a few hours wishing that he could do something to just forget but the cinemas weren’t open and he didn’t want to get drunk. He was a mean drunk, god only knew what he’d do to someone he met or got into a fight with.

Then he’d get arrested. He didn’t want to leave an even worse impression with Ianto because he knew that Ianto would find out regardless or what he did. The police gossiped worse than housewives at times and then the news would reach Andy then he’d tell Ianto.

Jack drove until dawn then returned to the Hub.

Ianto came in at seven, introduced himself to the third team, made them a batch of his exquisite coffee as they headed out and the next team came in. He moved about like he had always been there and Jack couldn’t help but be amused. This was proof that Torchwood needed Ianto, it fit him so well.

After Ianto handed the last cup off he vanished again and left Jack mulling over paperwork. He returned nearly ten minutes later with a cup in his hand and a look of disgust on his face. He dropped the cup on the desk. “With me, now.” He growled.

Jack got up and followed him as Ianto quickly moved to the kitchen. Then he opened the fridge. Jack gagged at the smell emanating from it. He looked at Ianto teary-eyed. “That’s disgusting.”

Ianto gave him that look, the one that made him feel stupid no matter the severity of things. “I am not cleaning this Jack.” Ianto snapped. “You’ve done a good job keeping the place clean and I am not falling into the butler-housemaid position again but this is MY kitchen. I want this fridge clean by the end of the day.” Ianto looked at him.

“Uh, yeah.” Jack said surprised and pleased with Ianto’s attitude. “I’ll get right on it. I have your schedule done.” Jack said trying not to shrink under Ianto’s gaze. “It’s on top of my desk.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I managed to schedule you around Gwen, you have second shift when she has the first.” He looked at the fridge trying to avoid eye contact. “Until the search is over and Doctor Anthony clears you for field duty you can come in any first shift whenever you want. Just inform me before hand or the field supervisor in charge.”

“Who are the supervisors?”

“There’s Sergeant Richard Hadley, former military office, Dr. Margaret Chen-Martinez, Ph.D. not MD and comes recommended from an old buddy of mine, very old mind you, and uh Gwen. She does have seniority.” He licked his lips then quickly continued. “Andy is acting as police liaison, he attaches to whatever team is on active duty when necessary but he’s mostly involved with the beat cops and Swanson.”

Ianto nodded. “I’m going back to search. I’m serious about the refrigerator, Jack.” Jack was left in the kitchen feeling like a child and grimaced as he looked at the fridge. Well this explained why people had stopped bringing lunches to work then.

Jack opened the door and quickly shut it. He weighed his options. He could either clean it or destroy it and buy a new one. It was getting rather old…

\-------

Ianto stretched out on his bed. It had been a very busy week, getting reacquainted with the Hub, and getting to know the new members. He felt a pleased smile come across his face. It was nice to finally feel like he was starting to feel appreciated even though some of the parts felt forced.  
Except that the new leadership positions and promotions were warranted. It had been noted in the paperwork and Jack had justified his reasoning.

He smiled. Myfawny had given him a big welcome back in the form of a freshly hunted fish and a newly killed lamb. He had thanked her with a piece of chocolate and stored the meat for later (to regive to her, not for him). The new staff members had been surprised and astonished with his conduct with the pterosaur. Apparently Myfawny would hiss at them and barely tolerated their presence except during cleanings.

His cell rang. He answered it. His sister. His smile widened. His relationship with Rhi had grown since his ‘accident’. His therapy was still going on once a week with Dr. Anthony’s knowledge and consent. Another month or two with positive reports from his psychiatrist and he’d be cleared for duty.

He answered.

“Ianto?” Rhi asked.

“Yeah, what is it, Rhi?”

“I was just checking up. How was work?” Ianto grinned. Now understood why Suzie needed someone to speak to, it was good to talk about it. Rhiannon still didn’t what he did exactly but accept the confidentiality that his ‘special ops’ job required.

“Fine. I met a lot of new staff members and our uh, well I guess you can call her our mascot gave me a few nice dead things as a welcome home present.”

“Myfawny, right?” Rhiannon thought she was a cat.

“Yeah.” He changed the animals. “A dead mouse and a very fresh fish she saved from her dinner.”

“Delicious.” Rhiannon laughed. “So how are the new people? Andy has been mum about it and barely says anything.”

“Understandably he doesn’t want to commit treason, Rhi.” Ianto replied knowing that Rhiannon was pulling his strings. “They’re good people. I’ve seen Andy around but he moves between his desk here and one at the station.” He grinned, Andy was his friend and he loved having him around.

“Meet anyone in particular that was interesting?”

“There’s this woman, Cecilia Roth. She’s scary smart and reminds me a bit of Tosh in that way but is more outgoing.” He startled rattling. After half an hour Ianto had nothing more to say about his new co-workers and an awkward silence sat between them.

“And them.” Rhiannon refused to say their names unless needed to.

“Jack is good. He’s been a good boss, Rhi. He’s not pushing or offering much of anything. I’m not going to get involved to him unless absolutely necessary.”

“And her?”

“I’ve seen her only once. I’m working around her schedule.” Rhiannon made a disgusted sound.

“He didn’t fire her.”

“He had no ground to fire her, Rhi. What happened was a private matter not a business one.” Rhiannon said nothing but Ianto could almost feel her disapproval. “Rhi, just ignore it. Please, for me.”

“Fine. You told me that you were looking at people? For what?”

Ianto felt a wave of relief over him. “I’m in charge of the archives. I’m hiring a small staff…”

\-------

Nearly two months after his arrival Dr. Anthony cleared him for field duty. Ianto had been a bit surprised when Jack had asked him if he wanted to head his own team or if he wanted to join one of the existing ones. Ianto had declined for leading his own team for the moment. He didn’t think he was ready, not so soon after his accident. Maybe in another year.

Rhiannon hadn’t exactly been thrilled at the news but had congratulated him nonetheless. Andy took him out for drinks that night and Ianto felt like things were turning around.

Things were good, even if he had to deal with Gwen, he thought he could handle it now. He didn’t think he’d forgive her but he could stand being around her.

Despite his misgivings and the therapy Ianto knew his feelings for Jack hadn’t just vanished. He still looked after the man who had driven him to desperation because what Jack had done was still less despicable than what Lisa had done as a cyberman.

Jack, was alone, isolated and dedicated to the job nearly 24/7. For a man who desired physical contact often it was nearly punishment enough for what had happened.  
\-------------------

Jack had his head in his hands. Today had not been a good day. It had been an awful day. Today had been the first time that one of his newest members had nearly been killed. Dr. Anthony nearly hadn’t been able to help Steven, who’d gotten shot by an unknown kind of laser weapon. It’d done a number on his leg. Steven wouldn’t be walking any time soon and the damage might put him off field duty permanently even with their medical technology.

That had been just the personal ‘home’ tragedy. What really made the day awful were those needless deaths. Three children, their parents, and dog had been killed by an alien who had only been defending itself when a mob had nearly formed around it. Before Jack could realize the species was friendly unless threatened it’d been too late, it’d been shot in the line of duty.

If this stupid century only had the means to communicate with other kinds of aliens at large then it could have been avoided. They wouldn’t have had to enforce a false quarantine to retcon nearly 2o odd people, essentially erase a family’s existence, and bury a sentient alien in an unmarked grave (figuratively anyway they’d burnt the corpse).

The Hub was nearly empty now except in the medical wing, Steven was staying overnight in one of the recovery rooms and Willard was staying in one of the spare rooms in case he needed immediate medical attention at some point in the night. He couldn’t hear them though. When the cog door sprung open Jack didn’t bother to see who it was, if they could enter the Hub they were authorized.

That giant oversized button underneath the tourist center didn’t just open for anyone. It was keyed to both DNA and fingerprints. A small scanner embedded in the plastic recognized the participants by DNA if they opened it with their foot for some reason. He heard footsteps fade to some distant part of the Hub.

After a while the footsteps came nearer. He heard a faint knock on the door and looked up. Ianto. He immediately sat up straight even though his muscles protested the movement.

“You need to stop doing this.”

“What?” He had no idea what Ianto was talking about.

“Working nearly 24 hours a day. You need some time to rest, Jack. I’ve been watching. Except for a few hours you’re always on call to assist them.”

“We’re all doing fine.” He snapped then regretted it. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” Ianto nodded. His face was bland as ever and Jack wished things could be like before, when they could rely on each other for comfort and company in everyway possible. God he felt so alone. Ianto hardly showed any real emotion around him anymore. He would around the other team members, and seemed to be forming new friendships.

“That’s what I mean. You have to get time to rest.”

“They need me.” Jack said and it was true. He was always needed for something.

“No, they’ve come to rely on you because you’re always here. Instead of sometimes trying to figure out something or searching the database with some vague clues they come straight to you.” Jack opened his mouth to protest. “They’re good people, Jack, and they’re not stupid but you’re overcompensating in some ways.”

“So now I’m back to being a bad boss?” He said bitterly. “First I wasn’t involved enough now I’m involved too much.”

“You’re not a bad man or a bad boss. Just lighten up. We have regulations in place to keep people safe. You being away for a your own shift or life will not kill someone on a normal day.”  
Ianto entered his office. “Get up.”

“What?” Ianto walked over to his chair and pulled it back. A lifetime ago Ianto would have gotten into his lap and either kissed him or simply tease him until a later time. “Up.” Ianto said. Jack stood up. Ianto made no move to touch him but waved his hand.

“Come with me.” Jack followed him out before doubling back to grab his coat, wallet and cell. Ianto waited by the door. Jack hustled to follow him quickly.

“Where are we going?”

“Lunch then, you have an appointment to catch.”

“With who?”

“A realtor.”

“What?”

“You’re getting a flat.”

“I am not-“ Ianto looked at him, really looked at him. It was the first real piece of emotion he’d received from the younger man since he returned and saw concern. “I’ll look but I make no promises.” He said.

“Just start looking. You need a place to stay that’s not part of Torchwood.” Jack didn’t respond. He’d had a place, what felt like a lifetime ago.

“I make no guarantees.” Jack responded. Ianto nodded.

“That’s the least I can ask for. Come on to lunch. You need to get your head cleared.” Jack nodded and they headed out. For a moment Jack felt like he had a friend.  
\-------

Rhiannon looked over at Ianto’s flat.

“Nice place.” She said as she looked around.

“Thanks. I had to get out of there sometime. Too many bad memories.” He gave her a wide smile. “You want anything.” He said motioning to the kitchen.

“No, it’ s fine.” Rhiannon coughed. “What?”

“I’ve been meaning to give you this. For a very long time but I didn’t know when it would be a good time.” Rhiannon reached for her purse and pulled out a letter. It took a moment for Ianto to recognize it.

“Is that-“

“It’s Jack’s. I—I never gave it to him. I’m sorry.” She looked at him. “I burnt the one you gave me after-after you started getting better. I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore. I wanted to throw this one out so many times. I wanted to find your boss and punch him, the have him read it. But I felt I didn’t have the right.” She held the letter out to him. Ianto grabbed it and placed it on his lap. “What are you going to do with it?”

“Nothing.” Ianto replied. “What I said in it, no one needs to know. I know you’ll keep quiet and Andy, Andy never tagged them. As far as the official records go they don’t exist.” He rubbed his stomach absently.

“Are you alright?” Rhiannon asked, worry in her voice. “Is it the ulcer?”

“No, just indigestion. I’ve been a bit careless about what I eat. It’s still there but this-this isn’t it.” Rhiannon nodded. “How’d Mica’s recital go recently? David’s been emailing me about what he’s done so I’m pretty caught up with him.” Rhiannon began talking, trying not to look at the letter in his lap. After a while Ianto grabbed it and stuffed it under the cushion he was sitting on.

\-------

It surprised him that it had taken nearly a year for the divorce to go through. Jack had stayed away from Gwen’s life but it was clear that Rhys had not forgiven her this time. Not this time. He wondered how he had dealt with finding out about Owen.

Jack had suspended her for a week to get her head together when a weevil had nearly torn her throat out. Her second, Mildred Corrack, had demanded it. Jack had agreed. He wasn’t going to risk anyone’s life because of Gwen’s lack of concentration on the job. If she could hardly look after her own God knows what it meant about her perception of those around her.

Currently he was in his living room looking over IKEA catalogues. Ianto had found out he had bought the flat a few weeks after his insistence he find a place outside of Torchwood and now was supplying him with enough interior decoration magazines to look like a consultant for a few of the companies.

Jack smiled absent-mindedly. It was something back from their old relationship. He doubted they’d get back together, not with Ianto dating Cecilia.

Jack looked back at the catalogue. He didn’t need that particular cabinet but it would look good in the empty corner of his guest room. He circled it.

It had to be enough. For Ianto’s sake, it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the end, originally and you can stop here if this ending really pleases you. The epilogue should probably be called the alternate ending. For those like me who like to see the couple get back together there is a possibility of that in the epilogue but as I said if you like this as it is you should stop here.
> 
>  
> 
> It was extremely difficult to find a way to try and get them back together but with they dynamic I built up there was no way I could see it coming about easily. However if you want to have the hope of them getting back together there's the epilogue. I have no problem if you don't like the epilogue, trust me it wasn't easy to write and trying to bring them together feels more than forced even though I wanted it to head in that direction.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived because the gun misfired and that's when Jack noticed.

Jack grinned around a mouthful of sandwich as Ianto dropped off his last round of coffee. Ianto smiled at the sight, and then shook his head with a laugh. Jack swallowed what looked like a painfully large mouthful.

“What?”

“After all this time, I just thought you’d have learned some table manners, sir. You were alive during a large period when they were important.”

“I can do manners.” Jack protested while reaching for his coffee.

“Your conduct in the bedroom says otherwise” Ianto chuckled then froze. Jack’s cup was halfway to his face; he was looking at him intently and looking unsure. What was he suppose to say? Ianto gave a polite smile. “I’m heading out now, Jack. Have a nice night.” Ianto said.

Jack took a sip from his coffee. What had happened? Jack shook his head and went back to his dinner.

Ianto went home and frowned. What the hell had he been thinking when he said that? He had wanted something quick and simple when he’d left but he didn’t think it was such a good idea now. It was nearly a year since he’d returned to work but his ulcer was still there, slowly getting smaller but present. He’d done a lot of damage to his stomach: it was a timely process to heal.

Ianto walked past the kitchen and walked into the living room. His eyes scanned the shelves. It was littered with new photos. Him and the new team, him and his family, his family, Andy and his new girl, Tosh and Owen. Jack was in some of these pictures, but in the background. He hadn’t burned the old snapshots to ash like he’d planned but he hadn’t brought them out.

He sat down and rubbed his temples. He needed to think. He grabbed his cell the dialed.

“Harkness.”

“Jack, I’m taking a personal day off tomorrow.” Ianto said into the phone. “I mean, is that possible?”

“Yes, yes. Is everything all right?” No, not by a long shot.

“Yes, just have to sort something just popped up. I’ll be there in two days.”

“Okay, call if you need anything.” He hung up. Ianto turned on the telly. He needed to think about this and what it meant but not now. Right now he needed to pretend none of it had come up, he didn't want to think. Instead he ended up watching some crappy drama.

In the morning Ianto knew it was futile to lie to himself. He wanted Jack, even after everything. He still loved the bastard and Jack was trying so hard to show him he wasn’t completely a monster. He was trying to be a better man.

Fuck. He had heard rumors among the staff that Jack was getting help but Anthony, Willard, and Tanaka were mum about it. The doctors weren’t as open mouth as Owen had been but really it wasn’t’ a fair comparison. Owen was part of a tight knit group of people; he wouldn’t reveal extremely personal information (like that STI test Ianto took after Jack left as a precaution even though they’d used protection and a year later when Ianto was having doubts about Jack when they were ‘serious’) but everyone knew when or if you were injured in the line of duty, usually. It wasn’t so much that Owen was a doctor but that Owen was their doctor and friend.

These medics were doctors first and friends second in nearly every matter.

He sighed. Why couldn’t he have gotten over him? He had dated Cecilia but that had ended in a mutual break up. He shook his head.

Could he do this again? Was he really so weak to fall into Jack’s bed again? Ianto wanted to throw his cup into the wall and watch it shatter but suppressed the childish impulse. He needed to think about it, more than one day

It took him a month to decide. After Ianto realized that Jack was slowly creeping into his life again (not by conscious choice on either part it seemed) it seemed like this was most likely a natural result of it. He and Jack spent a lot of time together: business lunches that had become casual, coffee breaks, outings that were more like supervised dates than anything else (poor Andy usually was stuck between the two and Cecilia had furthered the distance but she was now in the past).

Jack never pushed. All of it was his fault. Ianto hated being weak after last time. Still it was stupid to deny it.

A month after his stupid little joke, Ianto asked Jack out.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Ianto looked at him unapologetically. There was nothing to be sorry for. He was a stronger person now than he was before. He had a life and friends outside of Torchwood that would support him if Jack ever tried to drag him into his own dark places because of some extreme trauma he’d experienced.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I…I want to, Ianto.”

“On my terms.” He refused to do any less.

“Of course.” Jack said looking at him and really seeing him.

“No sex.” Not yet at least. Jack nodded quickly.

“Good. We have a date this Friday, Rift permitting. Wear something nice but casual. No coat.”

Jack nodded. Ianto left. Jack felt hopeful and prayed that he didn’t screw it up this time in any way. Things were in Ianto’s court for once and he would keep it there.

 

Fin 

  



End file.
